Special Thanks to a Special Friend... ...

Was going through another round of complaining and grumbling over some small & insignificant things feeling rather lousy... ... But u r always there for me... ...no matter how big or how small... ...no matter how real or unreal my problem... ...u r always there... ...anythime that I needed someone to talk to... ...u r always there... ...no matter how right or how wrong about things... ...u r always there to listern... ...

I thank u Toadie... ...thank u for allowing me to feel what I wanna feel... ...Thank u for allowing me be who I real is... ...

... ...29Nov2006

Friends have fun... ...
True Friends appreciate... ...

Words of courage from a good friend... ...on 15/10/06

Dear Angel

I'm proud to announce that...

You have embarked on an amazing journey,
a journey in search of a dream,
a dream of becoming a Speech Therapist.
A Speech Therapist who is filled with love, passion, & compassionate,
who heals not only the body but the heart as well &
who makes a difference in the lives of others.
What lies ahead the road ahead may be a mystery.
But remember always,
Don't ever allow yourself to lose sight of such a great dream.

I'm sure I'm just like many others around you who are so glad to be journeying with you.
Keep that amazing fighting spirits of yours up, up and up always k!!

Cheers

Determination!!!

11/10/06

I have been lost for awhile....my mind was taken away and overwhelm by the excitment happening around me....

Yesterday, I felt the excitment & determination coming back to me once again...Yes!!!...

I have another backup plan again....if this round of application is not successful again...I am going to fly down to Australia...I am going to La Trobe Uni....I am going to find out why...if this application is not successful again, I believe something not very right about my application & I need to know why...I am going to try my very best to show them my sincerity & hopefully they will accept me for the course......

I scolded him....

I just scolded CK. Tho I think the words I used and the way I do it wasn't very harsh, but I would classify it as scolding...feel my eyes wet while scolding him...我真没用!!

I have no idea what's wrong with me....I am not prepared to scold him, he has been like that for months, its nothing new to me...he has been refusing my therapy and refused to even try to talk for months....he has the right to choose....why is there a need for me to scold him????

Well, this is not the first time I scolded my patients. But those are patients whom ST felt that they hv good prognosis or at least I can still see that there are thing that I can do to help them improve...those r whom wanted to give up or whom are lazy....whom I have tried ways to motivate....

I scolded him n I changed the fenetrated trachy tube for him. I told him if you don't wanna to do therapy you say it out. He finally said "mai...". I stared at him n my heart almost melt. After not talking for so long, he finally said a word "mai.."

But why am I scolding CK??!!!! Both ST do not hv good prognosis on him...so wat if I scold him....I can't promise him anything....not even any slight improvement.....I am at total lost of wat I can do for him...why am I still trying to see him every day....??why is there a need of therapy for him...?? Can't we just leave him alone if this is wat he want!!!

Ya ya ya...I can cry, I can complain....which is good....cos while writing this I found the answer for all my WHY....Yes....I might not see hope that I can help him to swallow/eat again....but at least with the speaking valve I should continue to encourage him to talk...

小燕子

22/8/06

刚刚一位护士说:"小燕子好久没看到妳了..."

"小燕子"---我几乎都忘了我曾经有的一个称号...

这是一位可爱的ah pek给我的称号.他是我的一位得了末期癌症的病人.他非常爱说笑.每当人家问他我是谁时,他都会说我是小燕子.所以当时大家也跟着他叫我小燕子...那已是好久好久以前的事了...他可爱的装傻,还真的把大家逗的很开心.但,我似乎看出了他对死亡的不安心里...

Disappointment... ...

16 Aug 2006

As the days go by, as the clock hands move and the mintues start clicking... ... my heart got more and more heavier... ... it might sound too early to make any judgement, but I know my chance of getting accepted to the SLP course get slimmer... ...

I know that I will pick up again, its not the end of the world, life still goes on and there are still many things that I can and I would do to fight till the end... but I just can't help feeling disappointed and sad... ...

I know that if at the end of the day I still cannot be a qualified ST, GOD might has something better for me... but its just natural for me to go thru this period of feeling down, crying, helpless, and asking why...

So friends, most likely people who are close to me will see me crying, please do not worry... I much appreciated that you all have always been there giving me all the support... don't worry that I will need to go thru this down period and then regain my strength and be stronger than before... don't worry cos you can still continue to pray for me and... a pat on the shoulder and continue your faith would be what I need now... ...

我还是一只打不死的蟑螂...

一张小卡片

那天Wan递给我一张小卡片...哈哈!! 在我们互相给彼此的卡片中提到了一位共同的人物-"阿永婆婆"...我几乎都忘了我第一次在她面前掉眼泪是为了这可爱的婆婆...

Miracle

S, a malay ah mah who have the same birthdate as me. Last year on our birthday, I went to her bed and said 'Happy Birthday S', she gave me a smile, but I am not too sure whether she understand what I said, I returned a smile to her... ...

During the time when I was still assisting the PT, my 偶像中的偶像 was working on her. At the begining of the therapy, he talked to her in Malay, which I dun understand a single bit at that time. He then turned to me to translate their conversation. He asked whether she want to walk or not and she reply that she wish to walk... ...

S, a 70 over years old lady, whom has not been walking for the past 14 years. Even before her admission to the hospital, she used to be crawling at home. It has seemed to me that everybody has accepted the fact that she will never walk again. To be frank, I was a bit shock when she mentioned her wish to walk again.

Few months later, my 偶像 came to me and said S is walking. I opened my eyes wide with amazement!! He showed to me when we went up the ward. He held both her hands and she took a few steps. I opened my eyes wide and my mouth wide. Though still weak and unstable, still need a lot of support and strategy to walk her... but she is on her feet now... its a miracle...HE CREATED A MIRACLE!!!

Still remembered sometime when we asked her questions or told her things, she will lift up her head and gave a blur blur look... always find it very funny, sometime I can't help it & laugh and she will showed another blur blur look, haha...(me so bad!!)

Remembered one day, I saw her crying so badly. When I asked the nurses why, they told me that her husband has just passed away n she seemed to understand that... ...

She was gone months ago. Heard she went back home to celebrate festive season, then came back, got weak. Heard things happened to cause her the state... I was angry and sad for awhile... Wanted to see her during those few days when she is very sick. Went up to the ward standing at the next cubical, I saw her face, seemed uncomfortable. Didn't go to her bedside, cos there were many visitors with her. Next day, she is gone... ...

I guess this might be good for her lah... ... at least she has fulfilled her wish to walk again and have also gone back home.